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Suggestions for Newcomers 

You have already taken a big step in seeking information about the program of S.L.A.A!  Here are some suggestions for a successful recovery in S.L.A.A.:

Define your Bottom-Line behavior

Bottom-Line behavior is defined as any sexual or emotional act which, once engaged in, leads to loss of control over the rate, frequency or duration of its recurrence, and results in worsening self-destructive consequences. Each person defines his/her own bottom-line behavior. Staying away from this behavior defines your sobriety. Start now, today. Don't wait for the perfect definition of bottom-line behavior. With the help of your sponsor and others in S.L.A.A. you can amend it later, if necessary, as you become more aware of what your acting-out pattern has been, and what consequences have resulted.

Don’t act out!

Just for today, this hour, this moment - no matter what!  Instead take care of yourself: make a phone call, talk with your sponsor, another member of the fellowship, attend a meeting, rest, exercise, read program literature, journal your feelings, say a prayer or meditate. You are worth it. IT WILL PASS.


Ask for help on a daily basis.

If you haven't yet "come to believe" in a Power greater than yourself, then ACT AS IF:

  1. Set aside a time of prayer each morning and ask "Help me stay away from _______ for today."

  2. Set aside a time of thanks each night and express gratitude for the help received by saying "Thank you" 


Attend S.L.A.A. meetings regularly. 

If you believe sex and love addiction may be an issue in your life and you are ready to do something about it, the next step is to go to a meeting.  By giving and receiving support from others like us, we not only have a better chance of recovering, we also begin to learn how to engage with people in a non-addictive way.   

Join a group:

Many of us go to a lot of meetings, and feel we can share at each meeting. But eventually we find it important to officially "join" one group where we have a commitment to attend, and will be missed if we don't show up. Get active in your group - we round out our recovery when we make a commitment and become more involved with the program on a more personal basis.

Call S.L.A.A. members daily for support.  

Talk to members after the meeting and write down phone numbers. Or get a copy of the meeting's phone list. Reach out, don’t isolate. Your call also helps other members carry the message and stay sober! 

Get a Sponsor.  

Talk to your Sponsor or another S.L.A.A. person on a daily basis for your withdrawal period. We are as "sick as our secrets" and when we share our feelings, hopes, thoughts, fears, behaviors and discouragement with another person, we are diffusing the power that addiction has over us; we are bringing light to the many ways that we are sick and only then can we patiently, persistently work on these distorted thoughts and emotions.      - from "Suggestions for Newcomers"

Sponsors help you define your "Bottom-lines" and work the Steps.  Here are some suggestions for finding a sponsor:

  • Attend meetings and listen for members whose shares resonate with you. Ask them if they are available to meet, to consider being a sponsor or to help you get started, even temporarily.

  • Read the Sponsorship pamphlet and answer the questions.

  • Join the Sponsorship Committee phone meeting

  • Contact the Conference Sponsorship Committee for support.

Read S.L.A.A. literature.  

You will gain insight, understanding, tips and tools through program literature. Books, pamphlets and recordings can be purchased from most meetings, or online from the F.W.S. website. 


Suggestions for starting literature:

  • S.L.A.A. Basic Text   

This book contains information about discovering the illness, beginning recovery, defining sobriety, and the Twelve Steps of S.L.A.A. It includes personal stories of others who have gone from addiction to recovery.  A copies can be purchased at most meetings.


  • Pamphlets can be ordered from S.L.A.A. Fellowship-wide Services:   These can be of great help in learning more about a specific topic in the program:

    • Welcome

    • An Introduction to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous

    • Suggestions for Newcomers

    • Questions Beginners Ask

    • Romantic Obsession

    • and more

  • Subscribe to The Journal, S.L.A.A.’s “meeting in print” – Personal stories and writings on recovery topics. Some meetings read stories as topics for sharing. Visit the Journal page for more information.


Prayer and Meditation Practice 

A good place to start is The Serenity Prayer – “God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.”

Be of service – Service helps you stay sober.

  • Read literature or be the timer at meetings.

  • Co-chair one of the meetings.

  • Participate in one of the Service Opportunities available in at the monthly Intergroup meeting.

  • Join one of the Fellowship-Wide Services (F.W.S.) Conference Committees.


– It works if you work it and you’re worth it.

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